No Filter

I'm not sure about the other mama's to be out there but I've noticed something in the past 7ish months... you get pregnant and people seem to say the strangest things in reference to you. So I thought I would share some of the trends I've noticed...

1) Birth Horror Stories: Worse than any story I read in "Scary Stories to tell in the Dark" and any horror flick I've actually seen, moms LOVE to share their horrendous and bloody and fluid ridden child birth experiences with mother's to be. I can't really figure out why. Do they not already see the look of pure panic on my face BEFORE they started talking about emergency this and 15 weeks early that? Dear moms, your pain is real and I would love to commiserate with you... but could we maybe wait until AFTER this baby is out of me and I can empathize instead of shake in terror? Wouldn't that be better for all of us?

2) Size Comments: This may be a surprise to some people but when you get pregnant, you also get BIGGER... and it seems like you get bigger at an alarming rate. I mean you've got 9 months to gain 30 ish pounds. As a pregnant woman you are hyper aware of your changing body. Sometimes it's a wonderful miracle and other times you feel like a massive glacier about ready to take out those trying to squeeze past you in the grocery aisle. The last thing I want to hear is "Man, you sure look like you're ready to pop!" or "You've gotten so big!" or my personal favorite "I NEVER got that big when I was pregnant!" All of these things are said with a smile. Why are you smiling at me while you remind me that my pants no longer fit and that I can't see my toes? 

3) Cute. I've never been called "cute" more in my life aside (I assume) from when I was a baby. I didn't mind it at first, because let's face it, all girls love a compliment and as mentioned earlier being called big is tough to take. I've noticed though that how "cute" I am is directly proportional to how large I am. The bigger I get, apparently the cuter I get. I've started to feel a little bit like a puppy must feel as it waits to be adopted. All the the women scrunch their faces, almost squeal and say "Oh my goodness! You're so cute!" I keep waiting for someone to forget I'm a person and scratch me behind the ears or maybe forget I'm a grown woman and pinch my cheeks. Is this how older folks feel as the younger adults and teenagers patronizingly call them cute?

4) Birth-ucation: My last and finally point of confusion is why people think it's okay to tell me how (and with or without which drugs) I should give birth to my baby. It's not just that but it's how I should feed him after and for how long. I just feel like it's my decision to make. It's simple as that!

I'm aware this is a little ranty BUT it's been on my mind for a few months now. And in all reality my pregnancy has been pretty wonderful, despite my confusion at some of those around me. I'm so grateful to carry this little guy and I'm getting SO excited to meet him. In the mean time I'll take my "cute" butt into the nursery and get to work decorating. Thanks for listening!

Much Love,

Sydney L

Watermelon Seed

So folks, I'm starting to look like I've eaten a watermelon seed.
It was bound to happen and I'm more than okay with it. Being pregnant is not what I expected at all. I expected to not be sick (my mom was never sick, my grandma was never sick...) I expected to be fat but to be pretty much the same. I imagined a little human growing and moving inside of me and would shudder at the thought. I assumed that eventually the hormones would be rough to manage and I'd never look at tiny shoes and squeal with delight. I was mostly wrong.
1) I had 3 full months of sick. It was not fun but for some reason I didn't mind to much. Parker hated it. He looked at me so sad and at a loss of what to do. Thankfully that portion of pregnancy is finished.
2) A little human moving around is so neat! He's gotten big enough that you can see my tummy move when he moves. It's amazing to feel him wiggle when certain music is on, or when Parker talks to him. I never thought I'd be so enthralled by looking at and touching my own tummy.
3) The hormones are rough. I cry and yell at nothing. It's pretty ridiculous. Thankfully my sweet husband is good at laughing at me and holding me until I calm down. I can't decide if it's hormones or the trouble sleeping but I also didn't expect my dreams to get so coo-coo. But they definitely did.
The thing that has mostly surprised me is how full of hope I am for this tiny life inside of me. I think about him all the time. What's he going to look like? Will he be creative like me or strategic and smart like his daddy? Will he have as much energy out of the womb as he does in? I just can't wait to get to know him. I feel so incredibly blessed to be in this situation. Am I terrified to be a mom? Pretty much. But I know that this is going to be a wonderful adventure.
Thanks for listening!
-Sydney L

The Times, They Are a Changin'

I guess what I mean is that I'm changing. The times are still the times and the world is still worldly. Maybe I should just stop rambling and share what I mean, deal?

The past few weeks I've been thinking about life, specifically my life because that's the life I know. I think back to a year ago. My life was confusing, or really I was confused and I didn't know what to do. I was working at the same job I had worked for about 5 years and I was living with my parents. The plan was to stay there until I finished school or went on a mission. Boone was gone on his mission. Then Parker came home and sort of derailed everything. I'm grateful for that.

It's amazing to me how much we plan and prepare and more often than not the Lord has something else in mind. Change is always coming. I mean we are in a constant state of transition without even realizing it most of the time. But more than everything changing around us I've been thinking about us, as people, changing. I feel that as grownups we are constantly reminding children to be more patient and reverent. We tell them they need to change but that is for the children. We forget that we are supposed to change. Somewhere between 10 and 16 we decide we can't
. We are who we are and that's all there is to it. We can point fingers and easily tell people what they can fix about themselves. For some reason it's so hard to point the finger the other way.

I've been thinking about the woman I want to be. I want to be strong and brave, full of love and hope that I can share with those around me. I can reason that I have a lot of love in me but as far as strength and bravery, I've got a long ways to go. It amazes me how afraid I am to talk to people, sometimes even people I know. I get so frustrated with myself. Maybe part of the problem is I expect to be different immediately. I don't want to work at it, I just want it to happen. It would seem that life doesn't work that way. Apparently we have to try... and I mean, I'm an adult I know that people have to try but sometimes, like with change, I forget it applies to me.

So here's to a new year, embracing change and pushing for a change in me. Hopefully I'll learn to be more patient with myself. Maybe I should also resolve to go to the gym more.... naw, maybe next year.

Happy 2014
-Sydney L Johnson-Alleman