The Times, They Are a Changin'

I guess what I mean is that I'm changing. The times are still the times and the world is still worldly. Maybe I should just stop rambling and share what I mean, deal?

The past few weeks I've been thinking about life, specifically my life because that's the life I know. I think back to a year ago. My life was confusing, or really I was confused and I didn't know what to do. I was working at the same job I had worked for about 5 years and I was living with my parents. The plan was to stay there until I finished school or went on a mission. Boone was gone on his mission. Then Parker came home and sort of derailed everything. I'm grateful for that.

It's amazing to me how much we plan and prepare and more often than not the Lord has something else in mind. Change is always coming. I mean we are in a constant state of transition without even realizing it most of the time. But more than everything changing around us I've been thinking about us, as people, changing. I feel that as grownups we are constantly reminding children to be more patient and reverent. We tell them they need to change but that is for the children. We forget that we are supposed to change. Somewhere between 10 and 16 we decide we can't
. We are who we are and that's all there is to it. We can point fingers and easily tell people what they can fix about themselves. For some reason it's so hard to point the finger the other way.

I've been thinking about the woman I want to be. I want to be strong and brave, full of love and hope that I can share with those around me. I can reason that I have a lot of love in me but as far as strength and bravery, I've got a long ways to go. It amazes me how afraid I am to talk to people, sometimes even people I know. I get so frustrated with myself. Maybe part of the problem is I expect to be different immediately. I don't want to work at it, I just want it to happen. It would seem that life doesn't work that way. Apparently we have to try... and I mean, I'm an adult I know that people have to try but sometimes, like with change, I forget it applies to me.

So here's to a new year, embracing change and pushing for a change in me. Hopefully I'll learn to be more patient with myself. Maybe I should also resolve to go to the gym more.... naw, maybe next year.

Happy 2014
-Sydney L Johnson-Alleman